Tiaan’s post-race words really resonated with me after I completed Guernsey Ultra on Sunday. My friends, family and colleagues have seen my journey (yes that overused ‘j word’ but it’s very appropriate in this case) go from a disappointed DNF at checkpoint three to a long 3 year wait for that elusive first ultramarathon finish. For those who may not have heard of the race before it is a stunning but brutal 36-mile route around the perimeter of the island, with a 10-hour completion time, comprising of 16 miles of stairs and hills across the cliffs followed by a somewhat ‘flat’ 20-mile section. Much like my preparation for Manchester Marathon in April, the reality and enormity of the task didn’t hit me until race week. The pandemic had me living essentially in the moment, rather than thinking too far ahead, for fear that getting covid would push the start line further away from me. But despite the worries I knew what I needed to do: train smart, train specific and learn from the mistakes of last time. Once my mind was in that head space there was no turning back and I wouldn’t accept defeat again.

When we moved into our London office last Spring, I tasked myself to only use the stairs to move about the building (Claude, Jerry and Victor can attest to this). It didn’t matter if I was tired from multiple sessions a day, if I had raced on the weekend or had lots of stuff to carry. The cliff section of the race was always at the back of my mind. Four flights of stairs in an urban environment were certainly no match for 3000 odd steps overlooking the English Channel but building that habit paid off on race day. I wasn’t necessarily flying up the steps, as they were very uneven so you couldn’t get a nice rhythm going, but they seemed a little less daunting. Granted there were times in my tired state when I almost lost balance when I clipped the steps with my foot (I fell over twice on the flats and thankfully on to the path ahead of me rather than off the cliff edge!) and was cursing myself to concentrate more. I even said out loud ‘why the hell am I doing this again?’ but thankfully a fellow runner, who knew how much I wanted this finish after last time, talked me out of the negative head space. Before I knew it, I had come to the end of the cliffs about 25-30 mins faster than my previous attempt. Seeing everyone at the second checkpoint reignited that inner drive to finish. Also seeing Peter, who was the previous Race Director before covid, at checkpoint three made me happy. I don’t know if that was a somewhat psychological ploy on his part because he knew that was where my ultramarathon attempt ended last time. But his unwavering belief in me was comforting. Looking back at it now seeing Peter together with one of the new Race Directors, Michael, was almost a representation of my first attempt stopping there and my determination to push beyond my limits to the finish. I’m so grateful that Peter got to see me touch in at the Liberation Monument back in St Peter Port about two hours later.

The second thing I struggled with before was nutrition. When you are on your feet for almost 10 hours you need to fuel right or face the reality of not making it to the end. Last time I couldn’t stomach solid food. But through having busy days at work, having tried intermittent fasting in the past, and carb loading gradually over a long period of time, my body was able to handle it much better. Even the most experienced runners in the field have had instances where what works in training then backfires on race day. I was also grateful that the weather didn’t get too hot until nearer the end, as dehydration was a real risk. I still have vivid memories of running London Marathon 2018 in 26 degrees and had no desire to collapse with heat stroke. Third, and by no means least, because it was advice I have taken on board from my ultra-experienced friends, was being efficient at the checkpoints. Falling over and grazing my knee meant checkpoint one was a slower transition than planned, as I needed to clean up blood and reapply plasters. But in some ways that delay meant my legs could have a bit of breather before hitting the steps out the car park back into the cliffs. The overriding aim of checkpoint two was to change from trail to road shoes, have quick comfort break and refuel without sitting down for too long. Sitting down was my nemesis last time and I was not about to make that same mistake. This time I was in and out in less than 10 minutes. Although I was happy to get to checkpoint three, and I could have chatted all day with Peter and Michael, I knew I had to keep going. By now I had pretty much been reduced to walking but it was made more bearable when I was kept company by another runner, who had completed the race before. I was determined to finish but having someone there with me was a welcome distraction from all the various aches I was experiencing. I am also grateful to my friends who ran in with me and saw me complete the race. Some of them came to Guernsey in 2019, some were first timers to the event. The support from the ultrarunning community is something special and one that I will smile about and cherish for a long time to come.

Going back to Tiaan’s quote about having a strong head, it most certainly got me through the race this time. It was only 6 years ago that I genuinely had no desire to run anything beyond 10K. I didn’t believe in my abilities or potential as a runner, let alone call myself one. I didn’t realise back then that making mistakes was part of the process. I now think very differently and use that in my work when encouraging our young people to achieve and push beyond their perceived limits. They may not want to try anything as extreme as an ultramarathon but seeing them complete any distance they once thought was impossible is always inspiring to me, my colleagues and their peers. I can’t wait to see what they do in the coming months.

Carmen is The Running Charity’s ‘Women’s Programme Coach’ in London. You can follow her over on Twitter